The ability to choose your virtual (or partially virtual) community is a true godsend for some people. We all need meaningful human connections, and if there aren’t people like us in our physical community, belonging to a virtual community can fill a painful void. If a person has been diagnosed with devasting disease, has a child with special needs, or enjoys making art and yearns to share their work with other artists, opting into a community of others like them is immensely valuable.
All of this I am for, but like most good things in life, there’s such a thing as too much. As much as I love coffee, drinking it all day is not a good life choice, at least not for me. Likewise, as good as it is to belong to a community that gets you, these can also be taken too far. These are some of the potential problems I see when we opt for online-only communities.
Divided by Difference
Our contemporary political discourse divides us by telling us how our constellation of identities puts us at odds with those who are different than us. A straight person cannot understand a gay person, a white person cannot understand a person of color, and a man cannot understand a woman because our identities shape our experiences, interactions, and relationships. It is on the basis of these identities some online communities are formed.
Yes, that our identities play a part in who we are and how we navigate the world, and there’s a degree to which we cannot fully understand what it’s like to be someone else. It’s also true that we all have an innate capacity for empathy, and while the degree and type of our experiences vary, given time we all know what it’s like to be ignored, mistreated, and maligned.
When taken too far, opting into online communities filled with people who are like us or “get us” as we opt out of our surrounding community can reinforce notions that what we experience or who we are is uniquely horrific or uniquely marvelous in ways that those who are not like us don’t understand. If this is true, why should we even try to make connections with those outside of our group?
Pain is pain, joy is joy, and everyone’s mom thinks their special. And while it’s fine to seek out people who are like ourselves, socially cloistering ourselves from anyone who doesn’t fit these categories has significant social consequences. Positive interactions among others who are different in the context of equal relationships (i.e., friendships) decreases prejudice. Also, when we are conditioned to see people as a subset of identities, it’s easier to see past our common humanity, which we need to avoid.
Planting the Seeds of Self-Absorption
My husband believes that everyone should have some kind of hobby, and I think that’s true. Even though not every season of life is conducive to this, I think everyone should have one thing in their life they do regularly just for the pure joy of it. Part of that joy can come from sharing that hobby with kindred spirits.
Of course, when our groups are online, we aren’t just engaging with a pastime; we’re also engaging with websites with an alternative agenda. By now we should all know that social media curate information so they can keep us engaged on their platforms longer because that makes them more money. The way they do that is, of course, to analyze our past behavior and our group memberships. So, if someone spends two hours a day engrossed in their woodworking, knitting, or yoga group, that’s obviously what social media platforms are going to give them in the future.
As someone who watches more YouTube videos than I would like to admit, I can say learning or honing skills associated with a hobby is enjoyable and rewarding. And as long as it doesn’t take over your life, there’s nothing wrong with that. I know there are people who belong online groups filled with people who share their passion for a particular pastime, and these people can still live full lives offline.
This becomes a problem when a person becomes conditioned to specialized content online and expects the same offline. We’ve all been in those social situations in which someone else is enthusiastically talking about their hobbies or interests, and we know the polite thing to do is to listen. These days, however, I see more and more people disengaging with others when the latter talk about things of which the former knows nothing or has no interest.
And I believe that being surrounded more of the time with like-minded others and endlessly scrolling on social media tailored to our tastes is partially to blame for this rude, anti-social behavior. Given, there are times in which people want to share things that don’t interest me, but I make the effort to listen, ask questions when I don’t know about a topic, and give them the opportunity to have someone hear what they have to say.
I’m not perfect at this, but I’ve learned so many things I wouldn’t have otherwise by just listening to things that don’t necessarily interest me. And what’s more, I think doing so shows the person sharing their interests that they matter even though they aren’t like you.
I don’t think it’s fair to say that opting into online communities at the expense of offline communities is the only cause for this shift in social behavior. Our shortened attention spans, which is a product not just of technology but also nutrition, sleep, and cultural shifts, contribute to this problem, as well (For more on that, I recommend Johann Hari’s Stolen Focus.) But I think ignoring how the prevalence of internet-based social interactions is making is more absorbed into our own interests at the expense of treating others well is only going to make this problem worse.
Charity (and Politics) Start at Home
It’s not uncommon to see charities and politically motivated groups online trying to organize for global causes. And I think many of those are worthy causes. The problem I see is when people place a premium on trendy causes, for which they can show their support in the form of virtue signaling and be socially rewarded for that in an online echo-chamber. At the same time, local needs that are less flashy but just as pressing are ignored.
Before you roll your eyes for my preachiness, let me assure you that I am preaching to myself most of all. Even though I’ve never been one for online politicking (yes, I’m a weird political scientist), I am guilty of ignoring local needs and political problems. And it’s something I want to change.
I’ve attended some local political meetings. While they usually aren’t as exciting as an online brawl or as cool as online groups can be, they have helped me understand and appreciate the place in which I live. The same thing happened when I’ve done local volunteer work, which I admit has been awhile.
When online communities encourage us to engage in our offline communities, I think that’s great. And there’s nothing wrong with donating money to a cause you believe in or spreading important political knowledge online. But this doesn’t give us an excuse to opt out of the world at our doorstep. And yes, I’m still preaching at myself to get more engaged in my hometown.
Conclusion
Unfortunately, it’s not that easy to balance out the problems of an online social culture because of something called “the big sort.” According to Bill Bishop’s book The Big Sort: Why the Clustering of Like-Minded America is Tearing Us Apart, for the past several decades Americans have been geographically sorting themselves into homogenous political and ideological pockets without even knowing it.
This is because when given the choice, liberals are more likely to move to neighborhoods with yoga, Whole Foods, R.E.I., and vegan restaurants, which tend to be more left-leaning. At the same time, conservatives are more likely to move into neighborhoods with traditional churches, Walmart, Cabela’s, and steak houses, which tend to lean right.
As a result, it’s not as easy to find other-minded people in our physical communities. That being said, I’m willing to bet that we’re not clones of our neighbors. And I think there still are ways to opt into our physical communities, like using social media to organize in person gatherings like block parties and neighborhood BBQs. Or take the time to smile and engage in some small talk with those you see regularly around your place of work and residence.
We can still enjoy the company with like-minded enthusiasts online without forgoing the importance of our physical communities. When you need to borrow a cup of sugar, an Instagram photo isn’t going to do it.
Subscribe to get new posts in your inbox every Wednesday!